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presents

Raynette vs. The Young Collectors

by Kathy Dello Stritto

D 
id you receive the invitation
to The Young Collectors Evening October 17 at The Dallas Center For Contemporary Art? It was the pink invitation in triplicate so you could tear off two of them to give to your young collector friends.

Well, JR was hot to investigate this latest mutation of D-Art, and it took a lot of arguing to convince him that:

  1. We are not "young."
  2. He is already a collector, and this event is for wannabes.
  3. There would be a lot of air kissing involved.
  4. He'd have to dress nice,

So we didn't go.

But then we started hearing vague rumors and mysterious hints about an incident that happened on Oak Street outside the DCCA. We could never confirm anything and decided that the truth, if there was any, would come out eventually.

JR and I have also been wondering when we would hear from Raynette Burgess again. We thought we saw Vernon's pickup turning on to Irving Blvd. from Oak Lawn on that very rainy Friday evening October 18, but we would never in a million years connect Raynette and Vernon with The Young Collectors Evening.

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Yesterday I called Raynette to find out if they really were there and to get her version of the evening. This is what she told me:

It was true, Raynette and Vernon got the DCCA invitation, and Raynette leaped on the opportunity to "explore her sense of style & art aesthetic" (sic). She even tried to "bring a few friends" but unfortunately Jerry Wayne was still in jail, because he could not make bail after losing all his money at the cockfights, and Raynette's mother was in the middle of trapping a family of possums that had obviously been breeding under her doublewide.

Raynette said that the Evening was very educational. For example, she learned that the only good artists live in New York City. But Vernon got cranky because there was no beer or pork rinds, only "wine and lite bites."

As they were leaving, Raynette spied a small group of Young Collectors in the parking lot standing near a U Haul truck parked on Oak. Raynette led Vernon over to join in their conversation.

The Young Collectors told her that they thought the truck was a return of David Ford's installation titled Truck Drawing El Paso to Dallas in the Wall Power show last Spring. They said that they heard that the installation had gone from Dallas to New York City, which now means that it is real expensive art. Raynette said she wanted to appear sophisticated, so she and Vernon oohed and aahed along with the YC's at the very hip installation of furniture and appliances in the back of the truck.

Raynette was wildly (my version of what she said) impressed when one of the Young Collectors told the reluctant artist sitting in the driver's seat that he wanted to buy the installation for his collection. The YC pulled out his checkbook and wrote a f**ing big a** ( Raynette's exact words) check right there.

W 
ell, that's when things suddenly turned ugly. According to Raynette, two police cars pulled up and caught the artist as he tried to get away. They also put the collector/buyer in handcuffs. Vernon told Raynette to keep her mouth shut and not to "get into it" with the cops, because he couldn't remember if he had any outstanding warrants.

It turned out that the "artist" was a repeat offender, and the U Haul truck was full of stolen property from a bunch of burglaries in North Dallas. The Young Collector was arrested for receiving stolen property, and spent another f**ing big a** (Raynette's words) check on bail and legal fees to clear up the misunderstanding.

Raynette and Vernon very quietly returned to their motel, and the next evening they decided to forego the Dallas Art Scene and instead spend their evening at the familiar, if not safer, Debonair Dance Land.

Raynette told me that she can't get over the shock of seeing really rich people get arrested. Vernon said there wasn't any art in that truck that he'd want to buy, but there was a really fine big screen TV in there.

Vernon wanted to return to the DCCA for last Friday's Texas Mud opening, but it seems that he got that confused with a listing in the Dallas Morning News Guide for a Mudbowl in The Colony. He was very disappointed that he would not be seeing Joan Davidow mud wrestle, because in his words, "She's a little scrawny, but I bet she can put up a fight I like feisty women."

The earlier Adventures of Raynette & Vernon are still available.

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